| Old School |
[Sep. 7th, 2008|07:42 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | B-Dub | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  working | ] |
| [ | music |
| | MIA | ] |
It's been awhile..again. For the record I still miss you cosmogonic <3 <3
I'm now STILL in Ojai living with my girlfriend in the Highland Apartments. I work at a hotel in town pretty sweet. I'll upload a WAY more recent picture when my internet gets turned back on at the homestead. Love to all. |
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| nada |
[May. 4th, 2006|06:39 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | "My" House | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Tame- The Pixies | ] |
Long time no write--ya I know. I've graduated/downgraded which ever way you see it you myspace...so read that. ( www.myspace.com/theotherwoman ) Things are good. Life could be better but it could also be much worse. I miss blue eyes.
The End. |
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| Oh my God. . . |
[Jan. 23rd, 2006|02:22 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | i'mprettynaieve | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Plowers Daughter--Damien Rice | ] |
I look for him in everyone I meet and when I find him--it is HIM...same mannerisms...same attitude...same everything. I have ISSUES! I'm glad that the levee has broken though I was pretty sketched out for like a week and a half. Whatever. I need to learn how NOT to be so naieve and wear my broken heart on my sleeve for anyone who gives me the time of day to snatch. I'm not mad just kinda freaked out when I had that epiphany--good ol' ephipanies huh Laurel LOL. I kind of knew but I guess I didn't--I dont know I thought it would be safe to just like someone but it doesn't work that way. I need to find myself a nice tall curly haired doors loving stable not too possesive guy and that would make my year. Today I just learned about the difference between type of guy and looking for the same person in someone similar. School tomorrow/today should be interesting to see if I get there alive/at all and dont get lost/on time with a parking space. |
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| !@#$%^$^%@! |
[Jan. 14th, 2006|11:14 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Take Me Somewhere Nice--Mogwai | ] |
Last night was pretty fun. I'm grounded...thats all.
Woah---yesterday was friday the 13th..crazy |
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| This is Interesting. . . |
[Dec. 11th, 2005|12:41 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | exhausted | ] |
| [ | music |
| | gigantic-the pixies | ] |
Go to your Calendar and find the first entry for each month of 2005. Post the first line of it in your journal, and that's your "Year In Review".
Feel free to use the second or third entry of the month, whatever makes your year the most accurate!!
January 6th
I'm staying at Devon and Petras this weekend. I have the day off today and then I work tommorow and then I ahve the rest of the weekend off. On another note Dan most likely isnt coming back to California except to pack up his stuff and then go. I just dont understand why this cant just work out...I mean maybe something will happen...you never know...I hope so.Summer was so hard and I prayed that I would never have to spend that much time away from him again...I'm so in love with him...you guys dont even know.We've been through so much for this to screw it all over. Anyways I currently have my two year old cousin jumping on the sofa next to me and playing with my hair so I better get going...She really cheers me up a lot..kids do that I guess...I have been so sad lately just I guess "coming down" after such an awesome time visiting with Lizzie and Stacy and seeing Zach for the first time in forever...and new years and stuff...and now not knowing whats gonna happen with Dan....I still want to be with him it will just be really hard being away from eachother...we miss eachother a lot. Anyways...i really am going now...I'm using my uncles computer and my mom might bring mine so I might be back on in a day or so but I'm not sure.
Febuary 22nd
We are all worked out and I think its for the better--its not like were not gonna see each other or talk and things...anyways... Hi everyone! I am home from surgery which occurred around eleven am yesterday. Let me tell you something you become ridiculously vunerable when you are in a hospital and your dignity goes out the window(especially when your laying on a table in one of those damn hospital gowns on your side so your ass is in the breeze...and then they roll you over and take pictures of your lala) Anyways I have wireless internet on my laptop thanks to Kenny. He has been so supportive through this whole thing. He came over yesterday when we werent around to configure it. I get home. He has bought me a router and a brand new card. I hobble into my room and theres a bouquet of flowers on my dresser. I wanted to cry. I really wish he was still in our family. Well my pills are making me a little slow and Im not feeling too hot staring at the computer screen so Im gonna go...but hey if anyone wants to visit or whatever Im totally up for it. IM me call me whatever. Im busy this weekend though, Dans gonna be here for friday night, saturday day and then hes leaving saturday night!!! I am SO excited. Im so glad he can be there for me when I really need him.
link
March 30th
Im getting really excited/nervous for my trip. I hope I dont make a fool of myself, and I hope that any positive assumptions anyone in his family has made of me are not dissappointed. I cant wait to get out of cali for a weekend. I havent been out of the state since NYC seinor year. Yep...definetly excited. I cant wait to dress up either! Honestly I dont really write in this journal anymore because the end result is usually some erratic fragments sophmorically written which struggle to simply express my desires, fears, and excitements.
Claire honey, it was simply grand to see you today
April 17th
Just got home from San Diego. I went to a "rave" at UCSD. Soooooooooooooo much fun. Im definately gonna have to go with some closer friends...Liz you would have a ball..(and maybe Stacy too?)
I miss you flash.... A LOT. Its comforting to know you still miss me even when....
<3
May 8th
I had a pretty good weekend. Six Flags was really fun and dinner was super good. Im still feeling pretty weird though. I got really sunburned and it totally kicking my ass. Im really tired and sad. I've been sad for a while though, since my cancer ordeal, and the whole "thing". I can't help it. It's not that easy to just forget. And I can't always be the strong one like everyone thinks I am.(In both cases)
I was thinking the other day about how happy I was...truly from that night we got back from spring break last year until ??? I'm not the same person anymore. How can I be? I've been so disappointed lately. It's my own fault for being so stupid and so caught up. I can't help that either--I gave myself to him. It's not like I can just stop talking to him, or even that I want to. What we had was real regardless of what anyone thinks, and I would give anything to have it back...because I'm stupid? I dont know. Yes people dont change..I've learned that..but I just miss that feeling so much. I was happy. I'm not anymore. People dont look at me the way he did. No, really, they dont. I miss being around him. I miss being free from myslef. I worry all the time now, I never did that before. Everything I think is worst case senario, all the time. But I guess its because everything that I was afraid of has happened. I had a little bit of a problem with worrying about things before..but not like I have in the past six months. When Susan kicked me out I knew that it would be hard for Dan and I's relationship to keep from getting worse. I was afraid and secretly knew he would meet someone else...it was what I was afraid of and its what happened. After my first surgery I was afraid that it would be something worse...it was and has done a good job of making me crazy and depressed and ugly. This is why I think how I do.
June 2nd
I went to the doctor today. It was actually a pretty pleasant experience. Although, unfortunetly, I am going to have to do the interferon treatment, and possibly a vaccine after thats done in a month. If your curious give me a call..I dont want to get into details. The doctor was really compassionate instead of in a rush and primarily concerned with building research, which was very refreshing.
I'm watching the o.c. right now, its a re-run from like six months ago and I cant help but think about when the o.c. first came out. Those were probably the best times of my life(save for some) so far. It will never be like that again, ever. And that makes me so sad...I cant even believe that was so long ago
August 1st
Im losing some hair but at least the hard part is over. Im starting back at work again tomorrow..I wish I could just show up in casual clothes I hate wearing make up and having to put a ton of effort into getting dressed. Im so torn about Dan coming back. I dont know what to think. Why am I so upset? Probably because I'm not there.
link
September 19th
I've been doing better like since Dan and I broke up about not chasing him ( as much ...) I'm having a hard time excepting that he has moved on and therefore doesn't have the time to talk to me or want to(?) I always stop myself from calling or text msging him. I'm still so sad about last night....Being around him I can FEEL that things are different. There is still definetly a part of him in my heart but I didn't feel the slightest bit of reseprosity last night...what I felt was a person trying to apologize( kind of ) for treating me bad..but then continuing to do so at dinner. I feel like he says things like: are you mad/sad? every five seconds because he doesn't want to feel bad. He told me he felt bad last night more or less but I was so angry I couldn't talk to him and in a way I didn't want to show any kind of emotion other than disinterest because that's what I felt when I called him on the way home: "Why dont you just go home?"
October 13th
NO MORE INTERFERON!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO
November 8th
I'm scared but I'm alright...enough about that. I ate like a king tonight...LOTS of sushi a bite of cheesecake and green tea ice cream. Things are going well--they could be better but whats new. I'm gonna go curl up with my kitten in bed and read a trashy romance novel. I should be doing night calls for work...I also should be going to class but I have too much going on WAY to much...I sent my teacher an email we'll see what happens. Maybe I should just drop out...ugh no that would just be adding to my list of faliures which is too long already. I need to get drunk again. me and Jose Cuervo got aquainted last weekend and it was a beautiful union.
December...Yet to come
Pretty interesing overview Id say...if you made it to the bottom to read this hehe. |
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|
| stuff |
[Nov. 23rd, 2005|09:48 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
everythings good..mostly. doctor called and everythings fine i have fluid in my endo-something cavity but that can be taken care of. turkey day tomorrow---definetly excited about that |
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|
| God save the Drama Queen |
[Nov. 16th, 2005|09:26 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | exhausted | ] |
| [ | music |
| | dont cha-pussycat dolls | ] |
Its now that I realize this hell has only just begun. I'll will feel "better" after tomorrow's appointment--meaning I will feel closure as far as wtf is going on...but I may not necessarily feel better....We'll see. |
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|
| update |
[Nov. 8th, 2005|08:22 pm] |
I'm scared but I'm alright...enough about that. I ate like a king tonight...LOTS of sushi a bite of cheesecake and green tea ice cream. Things are going well--they could be better but whats new. I'm gonna go curl up with my kitten in bed and read a trashy romance novel. I should be doing night calls for work...I also should be going to class but I have too much going on WAY to much...I sent my teacher an email we'll see what happens. Maybe I should just drop out...ugh no that would just be adding to my list of faliures which is too long already. I need to get drunk again. me and Jose Cuervo got aquainted last weekend and it was a beautiful union. |
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| a great night =) |
[Oct. 22nd, 2005|07:28 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | grove armada~jazz cafe | ] |
6 shots and a body massage later I've concluded that last night was lovely. Brandon my darling you rock! Came home--got a ride with Brandon because I was still drunk--and crashed at 2:30. I said it before and I'll say it again--we've gotta make this a regular thing! Had a great dinner tonight with the family. And I sit here enjoying my wine and am happy I had such a great evening tonight as well. |
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| Housecleaning |
[Oct. 21st, 2005|06:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Beck~where its at | ] |
And the "Dan Detox" begins. I got rid of all the hotel keys I saved, the one picture I had of him, all the letters I wrote him--but didn't have the courage to send, the CD's hes given me are in a box in the closet because theyre good CD's and theres no way I'm throwing those out (hello?? 3eb Out of the Vein AND new 3eb stuff) I just cant listen to them for a while, the bracelet and matching earrings are also in that same box in the closet. I tore out all the pages in my journal relating to him and put them in that box too because I figure I'll want to look back on all this someday in the FAR future. His shirts...I dont want to burn them like a psycho ex-girlfriend so I think I'm going to go see Brianna one of these days and give them to her to give to him.
Going forward...on to the movies with Mom--and then off to get wasted OUT OF MY MIND with the coolest cats around. Laurel and Brandon I'm callin when the movies out you better be ready BABY |
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| Ah Memories. . . |
[Oct. 20th, 2005|07:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  frustrated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Brilliant Dance~Dashboard Confessional | ] |
Exactly a year ago was the SJ concert in L.A. That was such a great night. But Jesus Christ--look how much went wrong in just a year. I remember after we finally got there and parked, Dan's friend Tavis called him because he had just gotten back from Iraq and Dan said "I'm at a concert with my girlfriend." He never really outwardly called me his girlfriend to his friends before and it meant so much to me. You know, because stuff like that means a lot to us stupid girls. That was such an amazing night. We went back to Susans and cuddled all night (among other things of course but we wont go there)....We<---well I suppose I could just leave that pronoun out of the sentence because there will NEVER be a similar situation in which the pronoun "We" is used to describe the combination of Dan and I---I will never have a night like that again. And if I do it seems like it will be FAR in the future. Now I'm off to finish my midterm for math I was supposed to return today--but couldn't because work was INSANE Mon-Wed--Thank god tomorrow is Friday. I plan to get wasted away beyond belief..any takers? |
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| THANK GOD |
[Oct. 13th, 2005|05:40 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | relieved | ] |
NO MORE INTERFERON!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 10th, 2005|07:37 pm] |
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I'm not okay...Everything is wrong and I'm making myself sick in my head and in my body. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 7th, 2005|09:06 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | once upon a time in mexico | ] |
C'mon all you eligible bachelors, where the fuck are you?? I just want someone to love and spoil. Someone I can randomly hang out with. |
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| AHHH |
[Oct. 7th, 2005|11:23 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | frustrated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | class | ] |
Basically, I'm having the worst day of my life. |
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| ::whew:: |
[Oct. 4th, 2005|06:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | sick | ] |
| [ | music |
| | MLB | ] |
I'm all sore and tuckered out...and sickly....I am running away to the hot springs tonight---nevermind Im not..but um yea. I FEEL LIKE CRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAP |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 25th, 2005|05:20 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | drained | ] |
| [ | music |
| | soul meets body~deathcab | ] |
I will cut you out slowly....like you do me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 20th, 2005|03:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | sick | ] |
| [ | music |
| | hope youre happy- dashboard confessional | ] |
I heard this song and I had to post the lyrics...they fit so well
Which of the bold face lies will we use?
I hope that you're happy
You really deserve it
This will be best for us both in the end
But your taste still lingers on my lips
Like I just placed them upon yours
And i starve
I starve for you
But this new diets liquid
And dulling to the senses
And its crude
But it will do
Which of the standard lines will we use?
I've been meaning to call you
I've just been so busy
We'll catch up soon
Lets make it a point to
But your taste still lingers on my lips
Like I just placed them upon yours
And i starve
I starve for you
But this new diets liquid
And dulling to the senses
And its crude
But it will do |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 20th, 2005|01:07 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | sick | ] |
| [ | music |
| | unsolved mysteries | ] |
I ADORED the rain this morning. I woke up around four to the sound...it was wonderful. Maybe we can have more? |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 19th, 2005|06:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | clueless | ] |
I've been doing better like since Dan and I broke up about not chasing him ( as much ...) I'm having a hard time excepting that he has moved on and therefore doesn't have the time to talk to me or want to(?) I always stop myself from calling or text msging him. I'm still so sad about last night....Being around him I can FEEL that things are different. There is still definetly a part of him in my heart but I didn't feel the slightest bit of reseprosity last night...what I felt was a person trying to apologize( kind of ) for treating me bad..but then continuing to do so at dinner. I feel like he says things like: are you mad/sad? every five seconds because he doesn't want to feel bad. He told me he felt bad last night more or less but I was so angry I couldn't talk to him and in a way I didn't want to show any kind of emotion other than disinterest because that's what I felt when I called him on the way home: "Why dont you just go home?" |
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